Diwali doesn’t feel like Diwali over here. No diyas. No rangoli. No relatives/neighors visiting. No top to bottom house cleaning. No all-day-long cooking. My only option was to go to a temple, which I did, relunctantly. I checked out the website of the mandir and it said that we need to park our cars at Queeny Park and then take a shuttle to the temple. It was quite cold- around 25F and it’s only October! I didn’t really want to park my car in a park (no puns intended). Since I’d dressed up for the occassion rather painstakingly- donned my new churidar and some make up- I decided to go to the mandir anyway. On my way, I passed through some really rich neighborhoods- houses that will probably cost you millions in California etc. Anyway, more than the display of wealth, the placards that were put outside their lawns/common drives were more interesting. Americans take great pride in their political affiliations and love to publicly display it! Phrases like “I’m a Republican through and through”, “Democrats are the way to go!” are very common. Most of these placards read- no, not Obama-Biden- but McCain Palin! Why? Maybe it has to do with the fact that I live in Missouri where Republicans are generally favored. People are conservative here. Almost all pubs/nightclubs close by 2 am max. Most families go to some or the other Church on Sundays. Lots of Catholics too. Yet again, it might be that these were placards that were planted by rich people. You must have heard Obama telling you- If you earn less than half a million USD every year, you are safe. You won’t see any difference in taxes. If you earn more than that, you’ll see your taxes increase a bit. If you are in the top 5% of the American economy $$$-wise…then you are f@$ked. Okay, he didn’t use this word, but you know what I mean. Chances are that these people probably earn more than half a million USD per year and are against Democrats. Well…why not? If this widely-believed-to-be-Muslim-guy-half-Black-half-white is gonna increase my taxes, why should be get my vote? I like the Beauty and the Beast combo. I like to hear words like “maverick” thrown at me. Drill baby drill!
I waste/spend at least three hours everyday, listening to political analysts on CNN- debating Obama-McCain campaign, how Palin spent $150,000 on her clothes, how she spent $20,000 on her family’s travel, how McCain will lick the asses of the wealthiest people, how he voted for almost 90% of Bush’s policies, how Obama might have something to do with that terrorist Ayers, how Michelle Obama’s dance moves are better than Obama’s, how Obama celebrated his daughter Malia’s 10th birthday in a small hotel room, how he rose from poverty, went to Harvard, took two days off during elections to be with his grandmom, doesn’t have enough experience, Palin is just a beauty queen who can see Russia from her living room window, that she’s been picked by McCain only because she’s pro-choice and because a common American can associate with her condition, with the fact that her youngest child is special, and that her 17 year old daughter Bristol is pregnant and is doing the “right thing” by marrying the boy’s father, who also happens to have a fun MySpace page where he proclaims to be a redneck and says “I don’t want kids!”, who’s name is Levi Johnston and is too scared of his future mom-in-law-maybe-future-VP-or Presi- and gives those horrendous smiles on camera only because she’s holding a gun to his balls and who secretly wishes for her to lose the elections so that he can go home and forget about his goddam marriage, how McCain’s wife is way too pretty and never speaks on camera…Wait a minute! I can go on and on. Does this even matter to me? I can’t even vote here. Haha. When it’s time for US Elections, the entire world watches. Manmohan Singh rushes to get the nuclear deal done before Bush goes away! Who knows what the next President might want?
Obama, in his third Presidential election speech, made a strong case against outsourcing, against Honda, Toyota, Nissan and other German cars that have stolen American consumers, how the American auto companies like Ford and GM are suffering not because of their own wrong-doing, but because of the fact that the Japanese raced ahead! “Let’s get those jobs back to our country…let us buy American!” Where’s free trade gonna go? Even though I like Obama otherwise, this was the part that bothered me quite a bit. As a future President, talks about being proud of America and everything American will always be appreciated, but talks about tarnishing the image of other countries and their goods? Not so much. What happens to the political relations between two countries in such a case? We know what US does with its secret dog, United Kingdom!
Where is Bush these days? American media has forgotten all about him. No one wants to have anything to do with him anymore. How much worse can it get? The country’s bleeding anyway.
Obama-madness reminds me of the love/respect that this country has/had for John F. Kennedy Jr. Obama might actually be the precise medicine that the doctor prescribed, if not for his experience, then for his sheer charisma and for the breath of fresh air that he brings along. Maybe it’s high time that someone who’s not completely white gets to stay in White House.
I generally don’t care too much about politics, but you need to be here to really feel the fever that’s swept over the entire nation. Fourth of November is next in importance only to Fourth of July this year. ‘Joe the plumber’ might actually stop his plumbing and become a small businessman after all.
I see pictures of Michelle Obama being re-blogged in Tumblr again and again… a simple picture, where she smiles and talks over the phone. But the love that people re-blog it with is nauseating. If not for the leadership that this country needs, then for the mental health of these people, I hope Obama wins this race! She made it a point to wear only a J.Crew dress to the talk show hosted by Jay Leno. She also just “let it slip” that she finds good deals online. Very clever. Extremely subtle. Just where it hurts the most.
And the madness at CNN/FOX news continues. People fight at Larry King Show. They talk their hearts and lungs out when Anderson Cooper asks them a question. Bimbos support bimbos. Smart asses support smart asses. You cannot be independent on these shows, else noone’s interested.
This piece of writing, by the British comedian, John Cleese, (Edit: Refer to the first comment) aptly sums up the ‘problems’ of the United States of America:
Subject: A timely political proclamation from British comedian, John Cleese
To: The citizens of the United States of America:
In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. (A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed).
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as’favour’ and ‘neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise.
Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ‘like’ and ‘you know’ is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter ‘u’ and the elimination of -ize. You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen.
July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you’re not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you’re not grown up enough to handle a gun. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts,and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) — roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.
You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of British Commonwealth — see what it did for them.
Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater.
You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don’t try Rugby –the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.
Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in season.
God save the Queen!