Forwarded E-mails, General ramblings, Jokes / Funny Stuff, Microsoft

Unhelpful Microsoft Error Messages

In Japan, many of Microsoft’s error messages have been replaced by Haiku. I have written some too, maybe I’ll share them in another post 🙂 For now, take a look at this stuff that I received in a forwarded e-mail.

Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

The website you seek
Cannot be located, but
Countless more exist.

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent and reboot.
Order shall return.

Aborted effort.
Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No-one hears your screams.

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

A crash reduces
Your expensive computer
To a simple stone.

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

You step in the stream,
But the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.

Having been erased,
The document you’re seeking
Must now be retyped.

I ate your Web page.
Forgive me; it was tasty
And tart on my tongue.

First snow then silence
This thousand dollar screen dies
So beautifully.

With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
“My Novel” not found.

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11 thoughts on “Unhelpful Microsoft Error Messages

  1. HI Ruhi,

    Hope you keeping well, well your new post is brilliant especially this part

    Aborted effort.
    Close all that you have worked on.
    You ask far too much.

    After all we are humans so Humans always ask for more and more 🙂

  2. Pretty Good.I’m too tired of the “windows explorer needs to close” message.Something like “You piece of shit,you’re overexploiting your god damn random access memory so I’m gonna freakin shut down” would sound nice.

    Reading this eh Billy a.k.a. Bill Gates?

  3. “Completely in sync with my earlier post”

    Haha..mohak, thanks for your comment. I had seen your post earlier and commented on it too 🙂

    By the way, I’m only talking about Microsoft 😛

  4. Adam says:

    This one is a classic, just to imagine a 5000 word essay you have just finished and then this message comes up

    Having been erased,
    The document you’re seeking
    Must now be retyped.

    Gold !!

  5. Oh yes! And can you believe it- This stuff happened to me like 3 times when i was working on a paper last semester. it took me 5 hours to do something which should have taken only about an hour 😦

    Also, the other day, I made some changes to my paper, I pressed ctrl +S, and emailed the copy to a friend, but the changes didnt get saved 😦 I re-did the thing as usual!!!!

  6. Let me try to imitate the MS Customer Support on the big mess-ups that ruhi talked about! (In reality, this is just a façade, just to make the comments I wish to give look more polite and impersonal…hehe!)

    For the first one:
    Dear Ruhi,

    The recommended practice is to switch to another m/c, once you see that it doesn’t work the first time, giving yours’ some rest!
    In fact, a simple shutdown works amazingly with Windows. Here’s a self-help guide on how to safely shutdown your m/c .
    Wish you an impeccable experience with MS.
    MS Customer Support
    ‘It’s foolishness to repeat the same mistake twice’ – famous quote.
    PS: Now, think about thrice!

    For the second one:
    Hi Ruhi,
    The problem you mentioned seems to be with your keyboard ‘Ctrl’ key. Here’s a bonus user-tip that we do not even provide in our user manuals: Whenever you save a word document, please press the Ctrl+S key thrice, and then press the floppy disk symbol on the top menubar twice. Then go ahead and do menubar File > Save, and also, File > Save as…to save a backup copy in another location. It is recommended to save the backup copies in removable drives. The above comprehensive routine has been derived by experienced users after detailed impact analysis and necessary risk assessment.

    If your problem persists, please buy a new keyboard, and treat it with compassion.

    Hope this helps!

    MS Customer Support.

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