General ramblings, Jokes / Funny Stuff, Microsoft

Microsoft Jokes

I found some really funny jokes on the internet:

Helisoft:

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft’s electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter’s position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said “WHERE AM I?” in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said “YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.”

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.

“I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer.”

Microsoft and a Halter Top:

What do Microsoft and a halter top have in common?

Both offer very little support!

Okay, some more random jokes:

Tech Support: What does the screen say now?
Caller: It says ‘Hit ENTER when ready.’
Tech Support: Well?
Caller: How do I know when it’s ready?

Microsoft vs. Air-Conditioner:

How is a computer like an air conditioner?

When you open Windows it won’t work!

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9 thoughts on “Microsoft Jokes

  1. [i]Long one but this has been market as a favourite in the ‘Forwards’ folder for years now![/i]

    For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

    At COMDEX recently, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, “If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.”

    In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

    1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

    2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

    3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

    4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

    5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but would run on only five percent of the roads.

    6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single “This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation” warning light.

    7. The airbag system would ask “Are you sure?” before deploying.

    8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

    9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again, because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

    10. Oh yeah, and last but not least . . . you’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine off!

  2. Cool, make me laugh. This is joke I had received months ago….

    Bill Gates Goes to Hell

    Bill Gates passes this mortal coil and to nobody’s surprise including his own, arrives in hell.

    Satan greets him: ‘Welcome Mr. Gates, we’ve been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You’ve been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Frankly releasing Windows 95 two years early, would by itself, have landed you here. But enough of that.

    ‘You’ve arrived on a day when I’m in a good mood, so I’ll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you’ll be locked up forever.’

    Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a beautiful young blonde with an alluring look on her face, sitting at a table on which there is a bottle of the finest wine. To Bill’s delight, he sees a PC in the corner.

    Without hesitation, Bill says ‘I’ll take this option.’

    ‘Fine,’ says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan then locks the door.

    As Satan turns around, he bumps into Lucifer. ‘That was Bill Gates!’ cried Lucifer. ‘Why did you give him the best place of all!’

    ‘That’s what everyone thinks’ snickered Satan.

    ‘The bottle has a hole in it and the girl hasn’t!’

    ‘What about the PC?’

    ‘It’s got Windows NT!’ laughed Satan. ‘And it’s missing three keys,’

    ‘Which three?’

    ‘Control, Alt and Delete.’

  3. Hahaha that was damn funny!

    Here’s one about computer’s..not exactly Microsoft.

    Once Bill Gates dies and reaches God.God asks him if he would like to go to heaven or hell.Clever as he was,Bill asked God to give him a preview of both the places.

    God agrees and takes him first to hell and here’s what Bill sees…
    “A number of hot girls lined against the walls of hell all covered in chocolate and waiting for him.”

    Then.God takes him to heaven and there Bill sees innocent fairies all wearing white clothes and doing nice things.

    After thinking,Bill asks God to put him into hell cause who wouldn’t want chocolate covered hot girls?? 😛

    So God leaves him in hell and when he visits him after 2 days,God sees Bill put against the wall and getting spanked by Devil.Seeing God,Bill curses him for having betrayed him.

    God smiles and says.”Son,that was just the screensaver” 😀

  4. Pingback: Evolutionary Meme « Time and Again

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