Cartoons, General ramblings, Jokes / Funny Stuff

Defining the Americans

Got it from here. There is a bunch of stuff that you can read for a nice laugh.

We yell for the Government to balance the budget, then take the last dime we have to make the down payment on a car.

We whip the enemy in battle, then give them the shirt off our backs.

We yell for speed laws that will stop fast driving, then won’t buy a car if it can’t go over 100 miles an hour.

Americans get scared to death if we vote a billion dollars for education, then are unconcerned when we find out we are spending three billion dollars a year for cigarettes.

We know the line-up of every baseball team in the American and National Leagues but don’t know half the words in the “Star Spangled Banner”.

We’ll spend half a day looking for vitamin pills to make us live longer, then drive 90 miles an hour on slick pavement to make up for lost time.

We tie up our dog while letting our sixteen year old son run wild.

We will work hard on a farm so we can move into town where we can make more money so we can move back to the farm.

In the office we talk about baseball, shopping or fishing, but when we are out at the game, the mall or on the lake, we talk about business.

We are the only people in the world who will pay $.50 to park our car while eating a $.25 sandwhich.

We’re the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world and more diets to keep us from eating it.

We run from morning to night trying to keep our earning power up with our yearning power.

We’re supposed to be the most civilized Christian nation on earth, but we still can’t deliver payrolls without an armored car.

We have more experts on marriage than any other country in the world and still have more divorces.

 Only in America

Only in America…can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance…

Only in America…are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink…

Only in America…do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke…

Only in America…do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters…

Only in America…do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage…

Only in America…do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place…

Only in America…do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight…

Only in America…do we use the word “politics” to describe the process so well: “Poli” in latin meaning “many” and “tics” meaning “blood-sucking creatures”…

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10 thoughts on “Defining the Americans

  1. haha, I love the only in America part. There are many like those in India too. And yea, pizza comes in here faster than the ambulance too! 30 minutes nahi to free!

    Pizza delivery reminds me Dominos are hiring groups of people to deliver pizza. I wanna do it even though it requires people older than 18, 10+2 pass and having a permanent driving license. I don’t have any of these but hey…bhawnaon ko samjho! 😛

  2. @Ankur, Thank you! 🙂 Good to be back here too.

    @Ish, Why on earth do you want to be a delivery man? Mujhe aapki bhawnayein samajh nahi aa rahi hai….hahaha. But if you want to do it for experience, then that’s great.

  3. @Shashi, I’m doing great! I had a lovely time in India. It wasn’t long enough 😦 How have you been doing? Your blog has transformed into a Bollywood news channel 🙂

    Ish, Hahaha..that was bang on! 🙂 When do you plan to get your license? are you 18?

  4. pallav says:

    that makes me wonder. is it possible to make medical facilities as accessible and fast as pizza delivery. like cheap airlines now cheap hospitals. lol

  5. @Ish, that’s not too long away…thankfully!

    @Kpowerinfinity, ummm…I can’t find any sandwich below $3 …haha..this is an old article 🙂 And that $3 sub is also available only on Tuesdays at my university Subway! Btw, welcome to my blog 🙂

    @Pallav, Medical facilities…big question. Healthcare industry is the biggest and the fastest growing industry here. They need lots of employees too. But it’s so darn costly. There are so many people who can’t afford medical insurance here, which is really sad.

    Airlines- are they cheap anymore? My dad was telling me yesterday that even Air Deccan has removed those cheap tickets now and everything is above 4k.

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